I often feel a dull empty feeling inside me, like a hole that needs to be filled. It is just an ache that comes over me like there is something missing and I can't quite put my finger on it. It often comes along with this craving for something whole and dense something to fill me up with love. I crave a male companion that can make me feel complete and fill up that yearning and pestering to be filled.
If I could design and create the man who would full fill me and make me feel whole again he would be like this and the love story would go:
He would have that British cuteness, that beautiful smile with those clean crooked teeth, the smile that makes my heart flutter and my thighs wet. He would have a think light brown head of hair, with a natural wave that just manages to always fall so perfectly especially after a long passionate fantasy filled sex session. Not a perfect body, but a strong body with big arms and a flat stomach but without washboard abs and a little hair covering the chest area. His eyes would be piercing blue, the colour of Kurt Cobain's with the kindness and love of Bradley Cooper. His skin would have a healthy glow and a natural hue and a slightly sun kissed freckled nose that was a little bigger but nothing that ruins his cuteness. His personality would be thoughtful, kind, and a little corky, with no fear of trying new things or believing in things that give you life and make you feel alive even if it seems risky. He would have an intellectual open mind with interesting ideas and philosophies. He would have so much intelligence that I didn't have to think too much because he could think for me. We would wake up together at the same time each morning, tell each other how we feel today and enjoy oatmeal with English Breakfast Tea. We would then share a shower together and everytime I climbed in and looked in his eyes my heart would skip a beat and take in every moment with every bit of energy I could and want that moment to last forever. Just standing there with the water pouring over us would be enough to live another life for. After washing each other gently we would get out and go our own ways to get ready for work. We would drive together get Starbucks on the way. We would each go to jobs that we didn't mind going to and spend a lot of our days talking back and forth on our work emails. He would write me things like "How would I go on living without having you to save me every day" and tell me about a book he was reading up on at goodreads.com, one about a couple who fell deeply in love. We would go back and forth all day with happy chatty emails that each talked about things we were interested in and things we could search together during the day, talking about all the celebrities we were both interested in. In the afternoon we would email back and forth about what meal we would go home to cook together. Explore all our favourite food and cooking blogs and decide what to try. We would then drive home together and stop in the supermarket to gather our recipe's supplies. We would laugh and cook together and enjoy our meal and talk about our love of cooking and exploring food the types and tastes. We would then share a bottle of red wine while we listened to Nirvana and talked about Kurt Cobain's compassion and that hole he was trying to fill. We would travel to the Chapter's Book Store and sit down in Starbucks going over some books we could purchase and read together, stopping in the pretty park on the way home so we could sit on the green grass and read to each other, enjoying be in nature and watching the birds fly peacefully around us. He would place my head back gently with his hands on a blanket on the grass, play my favourite song on his phone, look me in the eyes with his incredible blue eyes and ask me to marry him and be with him until we died old and happy. I cry tears of fulfilment and happiness and I say yes and get that gushing rush of happiness in my veins like the feeling I yearn for, nothing could take that moment away from me. We would cry together and tell each other how joyed and loved we made each other, like a connection that could never be severed no matter how far we were from the other. Every day would be a day to look forward to with my new husband reminding me every day how special I was to him with a love note enclosed in my novel which I would read on my work break. He would tell me he loved to watch me apply make up, he could just stare at me forever, covering in my dark eyes as he thought about how he ever lived in a world without me. He would say how intelligent I was and how I made everything in life make sense because life really doesn't make sense until you have that connection that makes you feel full and the void is gone. Everyday I get that exciting feeling like I just found the dream of my life and every minute is like Ecstasy. Some days he sends me packages that he ordered me online with my favourite movie, books I would like or things that he knows I am interested in at any given moment. He always reminds me that I am special to him and I am important and the things I care about are as well. He once sends me an autographed picture of Suki Waterhouse because he knows I find something magnificent about her. I sometimes go home to a house filled with roses and balloons and little notes with clues on where to find him which would usually be a cute vintage bed and breakfast with all the history I loved in those old victorian homes. We would stay there together and take late evenings walks in the calmness of the night in that little vintage neighbourhood just like we were back in the 1920's. We would talk in an accent as if we are still living in the that time and talk about who probably lived in each historic home and what story they had to tell. We spend the rest of the evening in the hot tub eating strawberry covered strawberries while we listened to indie and folk music in the background. We would then enjoy hours of our deepest desires during sex and satisfying each of our desires over and over again. Finally falling into a peaceful sleep knowing that we would be waking up to a beautiful hot breakfast in bed with our favorite English Break Tea and reading up on our celebrity gossip. We would then head out to the lavish boutiques downtown and buy me all my favourite outfits and vintage home decor.
Life would be so perfect that I would want to live and feel at peace without waiting for that something to fill my empty hole and leaving me filled without any other thoughts or curiosity about what is going on and who I was, I would have found myself and my perfect companion.
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